Paul's Internet Landfill/ lj/ How to stay unemployed forever

How to stay unemployed forever

So I'm breaking the "don't post too frequently to LJ" rule, but I have some venting to do. Namely, I hate looking for work.

That's not a new admission, of course. But haven't you been dying to hear the particulars?

I hate inputting my resume in webforms.

I doubly hate doing this repeatedly, with every organization I want to apply to. Remind me why there is no standard format for machine- readable resumes that I can UPLOAD instead of entering manually every time? (Word documents DON'T COUNT.)

I also hate that these websites don't work in my browser of choice (which would at least allow me to copy and paste efficiently).

Did I mention that every webform is slightly different? I hate that too.

I am so sick and tired and hateful of spending half-an-hour to an hour to write customized cover letters to jobs when I know damn well I won't get any nibbles.

I doubly doubly doubly hate Peoplesoft installations, especially the kind that make you go through EIGHT STEPS before actually creating an account for you, but time out after fifteen minutes so you get to repeat the process three or four times. (And don't think of taking shortcuts, by leaving forms filled out minimally, because Peoplesoft doesn't want you editing your data after you have entered it once.)

I hate submitting my resume in PDF format only to have to enter in the resume material manually afterwards, because some "intelligent" parser attempts to read my resume and fails.

I hate application processes that only want resumes in Microsoft Word format.

I hate application processes that require home phone numbers, and don't allow me to input my voice mail number on account of me not having a home phone.

Did I mention that I hate applying for these jobs knowing full well that it's futile? (Gee. Maybe it's time to change my strategy? You think?)

I hate not having the buzzwords employers want.

I hate that buzzwords are used to filter applicants out.

I hate that the only nibbles I have gotten so far have been because of my buzzwords.

I hate not having the skills employers want.

I hate having to sell myself. If I was any good at selling myself I could have become a prostitute instead.

I hate feeling like a prostitute who has to fake enthusiasm for companies I know nothing about.

I hate that the whole process of successful job-searching pretty much involves finding ways to circumvent the human resources departments of companies. "Get around the gatekeeper," they say.

I hate that only extroverts are supposed to get jobs, especially given that I am an introvert (who happens to have a loud mouth).

I hate that I am not confident I could even do a good job for an employer if I fooled somebody into hiring me.

I hate hate hate networking.

I am so sick of this. Sick, sick, sick.

I hate that I am doing a bad job of finding a job. And, of course, I hate that I am obviously finding something valuable in conducting an effective job search, because I am apparently not willing to GET MY ACT TOGETHER and do what it takes to actually be employed for a living.

Okay. Rant over, until I think of some other things to hate. We now return you to your regularly-scheduled cheery LiveJournal.

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Mood: full of HATE