The Goals I'll Never Reach
Here's another contradiction for you. On the one hand, life is too painful sometimes, and you want it to end as soon as possible so that you might find peace. On the other hand, sometimes life seems so short. There are so many things that we would like to accomplish in the time we are here, so many dreams that we have to leave unfulfilled because we live in reality, not utopia.
Is that really the case? I don't know. It seems like I never get around to doing the important things in life -- the things that I want to do, that would make me a better person -- because there never seems to be enough time. There is enough time, of course. We all get twenty-four hours a day play with, and I am sure that many people wring as much good out of those hours as they possibly can. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. I never get around to the high-priority things in my life because there too many low-priority tasks that are more pressing. There are projects to complete and groceries to buy and rugs to vacuum and hockey games to listen to, and before I know it, these inconsequential tasks have drained away my day. Then the cycle of pettiness begins all over again the next day, and the day after that and the day after that, for weeks and months and years. Then we die, having accomplished little or nothing during our life because we were too busy getting the little unimportant things done. Who cares whether the floors have been swept today? Who cares whether I pass or fail this assignment? In the long run, none of these things matter, so why am I not doing the things that will enrich my life? Why? Because I can't tear myself away from the trivialities.
Life of quiet desperation, anyone?
I know. I know. That's what life is all about, I guess. I shouldn't be complaining, as I am far luckier than the vast majority of people on this Earth. All the same, there are so many goals I have, so many things I want do that I believe would make my life a life, not just an existence. Some of them are trivial; others are grand. Someday I might get a few of these things done, but I am willing to wager that I will whittle away too many hours with emptiness to fulfill very many of these lofty goals:
My Goals
- To read the King James version of the Bible in its entirety.
- To read my English translation of the Koran in its entirety.
- To decipher Jian's mumblings during the instrumental interlude of "Radio Bargainville," off the Bargainville album by Moxy Früvous.
- To understand enough about my relationship with God (and possibly His religions) to develop some faith, or understand why I am unable to have faith.
- To hike across Canada, and learn something of the majesty of my wonderful land before it has been paved over.
- To help protect wilderness and farmland from the clutches of developers who are just trying to earn a living like everyone else.
- To be able to distinguish the line between divine inspiration and human meddling.
- To become literate in another language, perhaps Punjabi or Swedish.
- To give my object of infatuation a great big hug.
- To accomplish something else that I don't have to feel shame over afterwards (The first was when I ran the Terry Fox Run).
- To help do something important for the world, that would be of true benefit to someone.
- To make people understand the sancitity of life.
- To somehow come up with an alternative to money economies, which are unsustainable, fueled by greed and leading us down a very dark path.
- To meet Harlan Ellison and not be despised by him.
- To be able to write and not wrestle with my words.
- To write The Great Canadian Novel. Right.
- To regularly volunteer my time in service of those less fortunate than me.
- To become a vegetarian.
- To vermicompost table scraps at home, and to use the humus to help grow my own food.
- To live with as few material possessions as possible.
- To cure myself of my addiction to television.
- To cure myself of my addiction to materialism and be happy with as little as possible.
- To develop (or see the development of) solar energy as a viable electrical source for the world.
- To attend a concert put on by the Indigo Girls, Moxy Früvous or the Barenaked Ladies.