Paul's Internet Landfill/ demons/ The Goals I'll Never Reach

The Goals I'll Never Reach

Here's another contradiction for you. On the one hand, life is too painful sometimes, and you want it to end as soon as possible so that you might find peace. On the other hand, sometimes life seems so short. There are so many things that we would like to accomplish in the time we are here, so many dreams that we have to leave unfulfilled because we live in reality, not utopia.

Is that really the case? I don't know. It seems like I never get around to doing the important things in life -- the things that I want to do, that would make me a better person -- because there never seems to be enough time. There is enough time, of course. We all get twenty-four hours a day play with, and I am sure that many people wring as much good out of those hours as they possibly can. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people. I never get around to the high-priority things in my life because there too many low-priority tasks that are more pressing. There are projects to complete and groceries to buy and rugs to vacuum and hockey games to listen to, and before I know it, these inconsequential tasks have drained away my day. Then the cycle of pettiness begins all over again the next day, and the day after that and the day after that, for weeks and months and years. Then we die, having accomplished little or nothing during our life because we were too busy getting the little unimportant things done. Who cares whether the floors have been swept today? Who cares whether I pass or fail this assignment? In the long run, none of these things matter, so why am I not doing the things that will enrich my life? Why? Because I can't tear myself away from the trivialities.

Life of quiet desperation, anyone?

I know. I know. That's what life is all about, I guess. I shouldn't be complaining, as I am far luckier than the vast majority of people on this Earth. All the same, there are so many goals I have, so many things I want do that I believe would make my life a life, not just an existence. Some of them are trivial; others are grand. Someday I might get a few of these things done, but I am willing to wager that I will whittle away too many hours with emptiness to fulfill very many of these lofty goals:

My Goals